raise your hand. declare who you are.

Tess started the fourth grade on Wednesday.

She marched forward into her day.

And her desk was wobbly.

That might not seem like a big deal, but to Tess it was. She found it hard to focus on anything else, she said, except for the girl who sat next to her talking to her and bothering her all the time. “Maybe she’s just trying to be friendly,” I said. “I don’t care,” Tess said. “She’s bothering me by talking, talking, talking. I need my own space.”

She had her first meltdown in a long time after school that afternoon; I can only try to imagine the struggle she lives through every day to keep it together at school, so she has to let it out at home.

Yesterday was the second day of fourth grade.

Her teacher talked with the class about a boy in the class who has diabetes. They talked about what that means, and how they can all help Remy.

After her teacher finished that conversation about Remy, Tess raised her hand and announced to the class that she has Asperger’s.

She talked about what that means.

Then, evidently, she told her classmates about John’s sick kidney.

I am a puffed up ball of proud and tears.

A few weeks ago, Tess had a play date with her friend Josh who has lived through many of her meltdowns. I handed a book to his mom, Missy, and said I thought it might help Josh understand Tess. During their play date, they asked Missy to read it to them. The book was “Taking Autism to School,” and it told about kids with autism and Asperger’s and how they are different from neurotypical kids. Missy read the book to the two of them, and when she finished, Josh looked at Tess and then at his mom, and said, “Wow, Tess has superpowers!”

Tess told me a week or so ago that she wanted to create an Aspie shirt, and told me what she wanted on it–a flower, and “I’m an Aspie and I’m proud of it.”

With the help of designer Mary Campbell, I created it for her. Tess’ shirt is on the way here. And her button. And her bumper sticker.

Raise your hand.

Declare who you are.

Love,

Dana Boyle

Go, Tess, go!
ArtisticSister

What an inspiration for me to read this! I work with children, some who have learning differences. I will use the term, “neurotypical” which I have never heard before, to let them know how “neuro unique” and “neuro wonder filled” they are. Also, if you haven’t read “Artism”, I believe that it’s a book you might enjoy….
jodi moomoo head

if she was any more adorable i would have to bite her. if she was any more fantasnifigent i would explode. i am so proud of her. and how you and john have gardened her. you know where she gets her spunk and sass from, don’t you??? xoxo foofoomoomoo
http://www.facebook.com/kim.mailhot.18 Kim Mailhot

“a puffed up ball of proud and tears”. Yup, I get that. Love you so.
Ellen Berg

If only we all had that confidence to show up and claim who we are. Tess truly does have super powers–no wonder, she has you and John for parents.
Jane LaFazio

wow. what a little girl. what a family. wow.
Hema

Ariana, all the way from Bangladesh wants to be Tess’ friend! We love your family. Ariana also asked me to send good energy to Tess’ dad. Much love!
Tom Harrington

Superpowers indeed. What an awesome and wonderful young lady she is!
Joan

Tears, because of Tess’ beauty. My heart is full
disqus_KORh6olmXn

<3
anndeo

So many lessons learned from a lovely little girl, with superpowers no less.
http://www.facebook.com/aurora.fox Aurora Fox

yes tears ! @ the “super powers” ! children see things in such a good positive way! ! Tess is sooo blessed to have parents who are encouraging her to embrace all of herself…reading this sure improved my day Patti–thanks for sharing –thanks to both you and Tess for being you!
Colleen

This experience was a gift to our daughter who is in Tess’s class. Thank you Tess. Blessings and well wishes to your family.
Jennifer

Goosebumps.
She’s wonderful. You’re wonderful.
http://www.facebook.com/kerrie.blazek Kerrie Blazek

I think we’d all do the world a lil better if we owned who we are as proudly as Tess. Bravo my dear, bravo! I give it a 10 — xo
Kim

Bless Tess for accepting and declaring who she is, and kudos to her family who loves her more for who she is.
LMA9

Her courage, and her love of herself, blow me away. You are one beautiful flower, Tess.
Julie

She is so awesome – such spunk, so much character. She’s an example for all of us to have pride in who we are.
Erin

As a middle school and high school teacher, I have had several students with Asperger’s, and I concur that each of them has superpowers. Some days weren’t easy for them, and as their teacher I had to take special care to help them advocate for themselves. So good for Tess to understand that other students will help if they understand. They will! They will! And meanwhile, she may enjoy some of the gifts of Asperger’s. My Aspie students showed the following superpowers: increased empathy with the animal world, incredible memories for facts about their “passions,” wonderful insight into alternative solutions, quirky individualism that I adored. Yay for you, John, and Tess.
Manonkent

Tess is such an amazing little girl! Wow!
ictus75

Tess definitely has superpowers! Boom! She is such an amazingly aware human. More power to her!

Aspies unite!

(BTW, I hated 4th grade-too much bullying, from the teacher even.)
NAT

Are you absolutely certain she is only 9?! She is one amazing & beautiful child! Your family rocks! Much love & healing to all of you!
Sharon Martinelli

Patti, tell Tess I am a 65 year old Aspie and damned proud of it. Actually, I do have superpowers which include love and empathy as well as the ones that can’t tolerate the tag on a shirt of the feel of the wrong furniture fabric. Tell her it will all work out just great. She is magical and can experience things that mere mortals miss. sending love.
sara rae

Wow. Wow. Wow. Tess, you’re my superhero!!!
Kesia (Aurora’s Daughter)

as special education teacher I got goose bumps reading this…I teach transition age students and hope and pray that my students get to me with that kind of confidence to be who they are no matter the disability! THanks for sharing
brooklynchick

She is amazing and you guys are obviously some pretty darn awesome parents!
http://www.facebook.com/esther.louie.1 Esther Louie

I want to grow up to be like Tess! O = my mouth is open in awe of this superhero Aspie! Tell her thanks from me for giving me inspiration and motivation to always raise my hand and declare who I am.
Lori Walters

goosie-bumps here, too! love, Lori
http://twitter.com/run4kelly Ross Kinney

Yes! Declare who you are. Oh to be as wise as Tess
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http://www.facebook.com/carolyn.a.fitzsimmons Carolyn A. Fitzsimmons

What a beautiful spirit Tess has!! Love to her and her wonderful family.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1108906100 Nichole Been

So awesome. That really touches my heart. Tess, you and John are such an inspiration. Thank you so much for what you share with the world.
http://twitter.com/carryitforward Christa Gallopoulos

I read this just before reading your beautiful post, Patti. Thank you.

?”Woundedness is part of the human condition, the part that motivates all our journeys. If we were not wounded, we would remain in innocence and never mature, grow, or learn…Unfortunately, in our culture we persist in thinking of the world in terms of the healthy ones and the wounded ones. We want to cure people and make them ‘normal’ which not only keeps them from sharing their woundedness, but also prevents them from finding the potential gifts in the wounding…keeps all of us from providing true support and love…” ~Carol Pearson, Awakening The Heroes Within
Catherine Faherty

YAY Tess!!!!
Cheryl

This reminds me that so much of our grief comes from our inability or unwillingness to just embrace “what is”; always wanting things to be different. And sometimes that change doesn’t come or it is a slow and painful process that we are so impatient with. And here is little Tess showing us how to stand in full acceptance of what is. What an empowering and healing place to be in. From this place real growth and healing can happen for everyone. Thank you Tess and Patti for, yet again, being a shining example.